How Much of Yourself Are You Willing to Sacrifice?

How often do you have to ask yourself how much you are willing to sacrifice who you are? Maybe you do. I certainly do and I do quite regularly. In fact, as a relationship anarchist aromantic, this is something I think about every time I interact with another human being. Essentially, in order to have meaningful relationships with other people, I have to follow adjust to their way of seeing friendships. In most cases, these adjustments make the friendship no longer worth it. And, vice-versa, asking other people to adjust to my way of seeing friendships makes the friendship inadequate for them. I am stuck. When asked about how to better support aromantic individuals, an anonymous Sociology professor said:

“So in theory we can accommodate an array of views but making them work at the deeply interpersonal level might mean too much sacrifice of self”

I can see how in appearance, people can all welcome and support all romantic orientations. Perhaps going deeper than appearances is too taxing. For me, interacting with other people requires huge sacrifice of who I am. I find these relationships incredible underwhelming as others tend to reserve their time and care to romantic partners only,¬†which is something I can’t condone, no matter how hard I try.

I have tried to sacrifice all that I am to engage with others, but quickly realized it made me feel dead inside and was not worth it. I have also tried to live my life and my identity without compromise, which caused harsh backlash and triggered abandonment from people I loved. There does not seem to be a middle ground when you introduce the notion of sacrifice of self. Once you compromise what you believe in at your core, you have compromised it. No matter how you look at it, the tiniest breach is always too much,

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